A
businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife
was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so he thought he'd
better buy her a little something to keep her occupied while he was gone. He went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around for
something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind
the counter.
He
explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, We have vibrating
dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will
keep her occupied for weeks, except---" and he stopped.
"Except
what?" the man asked.
"Nothing,
nothing."
"C'mon,
tell me! I need something!"
"Well,
sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo Penis."
"So
what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked.
The
old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old wooden box, carved
with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and there lay
an
ordinary-looking dildo.
The
businessman laughed, and said, "Big damn deal. It looks like every other
dildo in this shop!"
The
old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed
to a door and said, "Voodoo Penis, the door."
The
Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and
started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with the vibrations,
so much so that a crack began to form down the middle.
Before
the door split, the old man said "Voodoo Penis, return to box!"
The
Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and lay there quiet once more.
"I'll
take it!" said the businessman.
The
guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use
it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo Penis, my crotch."
After
he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny and remembered the
Voodoo Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said "Voodoo Penis,
my crotch!"
The
Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was absolutely
incredible, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three mind-
shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough.
She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried
and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to
tell her how to shut it off.
Worried,
she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her
clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quivering with every thrust of
the dildo. On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all
over the road.
A
police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her
license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.
Gasping
and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything to drink, officer.
You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won’t stop
screwing me!"
The
officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an arrogant voice
replied, "Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass."
The
rest is history...
