Pet Diaries Uncovered 

As seen in a dog's diary:

8am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!

9am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite

10am - Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite!

11am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!

Noon - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!

1pm - Oh Boy! The yard! My favorite!

3pm - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!

4pm - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!

5pm - Oh Boy! Mom! My favorite!

7pm - Oh Boy! Playing ball! My favorite!

9pm - Oh Boy! Sleeping in master's bed!! My favorite!

 

As seen in a cat's diary:

 Day 183 of my captivity...

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.  The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.  Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded -- must try this at the top of the stairs.

In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair -- must try this on their bed.  Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts.  They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was.  Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices.  I was placed in solitary throughout the event.  However, I could hear the noise and smell the food.  More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies."  Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.  The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return.  He is obviously a half-wit.  The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly.  I am certain he reports my every move.  Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.

But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...

Thanks to Leslie for this "good one."

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May 19, 2004