THE
PERKS OF BEING OVER 50
1)
Kidnappers
are not very interested in you.
2)
In a hostage
situation you are likely to be released first.
3)
No one
expects you to run -- anywhere.
4)
People call
at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
5)
People no
longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6)
There is
nothing left to learn the hard way.
7)
Things you
buy now won't wear out.
8)
You can eat
dinner at 4 P.M.
9)
You can live
without sex but not without your glasses.
10)
You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
11)
You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
12)
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
13)
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
14)
You sing along with elevator music.
15)
Your eyes won't get much worse.
16)
Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
17)
Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
18)
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
19)
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
20)
You can't remember the Web site where you saw this list. (It was Mike's Good
Ones.)
GAMES
FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER
1)
Sag, You're
it.
2)
Pin the
Toupee on the bald guy.
3)
20 questions
shouted into your good ear.
4)
Kick the
bucket.
5)
Red Rover,
Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6)
Doc Doc
Goose.
7)
Simon says
something incoherent.
8)
Hide and go
pee.
9)
Spin the
Bottle of Mylanta.
10)
Musical recliners.
SIGNS
OF "OLD" IS WHEN...
·
Your
sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love, and you answer, "Pick
one, I can't do both!"
·
Your
friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
·
A sexy
babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
·
Going
bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
·
You
don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
·
You
are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
·
"Getting
a little action," means you don't need to take any fiber today.
·
"Getting
lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
·
An
"all-nighter" means not getting up to pee.
