New Living
Will
I, _________________________ (fill in the
blank), being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive
indefinitely by artificial means.
Under no circumstances should my fate be
put in the hands of peckerwood politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade
biology if their lives depended on it.
If a reasonable amount of time passes and
I fail to sit up and ask for a cold beer, it should be presumed that I
won't ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby
instruct my spouse, children and attending physicians to pull the plug,
reel in the tubes and call it a day.
Under no circumstances shall the members
of the Legislature enact a special law to keep me on life-support
machinery. It is my wish that these boneheads mind their own damn
business, and pay attention instead to the health, education and future
of the millions of Americans who aren't in a permanent coma.
Under no circumstances shall any
politicians butt into this case. I don't care how many fundamentalist
votes they're trying to scrounge for their run for the presidency in
2008,it is my wish that they play politics with someone else's life and
leave me alone to die in peace.
I couldn't care less if a hundred
religious zealots send e-mails to legislators in which they pretend to
care about me. I don't know these people, and I certainly haven't
authorized them to preach and crusade on my behalf. They should mind
their own business too.
If any of my family goes against my
wishes and turns my case into a political cause, I hereby promise to
come back from the grave and make his or her existence a living hell.
_________________________________
Date:_________
Signature
_________________________________
Date:_________
Witness
