Abbot
& Costello Updated to 21st Century COSTELLO:
Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den, and I'm thinking about buying a
computer ABBOT:
Mac? COSTELLO:
No, the name's Lou. ABBOT:
Your computer? COSTELLO:
I don't own a computer. I want to buy one. ABBOT:
Mac? COSTELLO:
I told you, my name's Lou. ABBOT:
What about Windows? COSTELLO:
Why? Will it get stuffy in here? ABBOT:
Do you want a computer with Windows? COSTELLO:
I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows? ABBOT:
Wallpaper. COSTELLO:
Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software. ABBOT:
Software for Windows? COSTELLO:
No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track
expenses and run my business. What have you got? ABBOT:
Office. COSTELLO:
Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything? ABBOT:
I just did. COSTELLO:
You just did what? ABBOT:
Recommend something. COSTELLO:
You recommended something? ABBOT:
Yes. COSTELLO:
For my office? ABBOT:
Yes COSTELLO:
OK, what did you recommend for my office? ABBOT:
Office. COSTELLO:
Yes, for my office! ABBOT:
I recommend Office with Windows. COSTELLO:
I already have an office and it has windows! OK, let's just say, I'm sitting at
my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need? ABBOT:
Word. COSTELLO:
What word? ABBOT:
Word in Office. COSTELLO:
The only word in office is office. ABBOT:
The Word in Office for Windows. COSTELLO:
Which word in office for windows? ABBOT
: The Word you get when you click the blue W COSTELLO:
I'm going to click your blue w if you don't start with some straight answers.
OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet? ABBOT:
Yes, you want RealOne. COSTELLO:
Maybe a real one , maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just
tell me what I need! ABBOT: RealOne. COSTELLO:
If it's a long movie I also want to see reel 2,3&4. Can I watch them? ABBOT:
Of course. COSTELLO:
Great, with what? ABBOT: RealOne. COSTELLO:
OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do? ABBOT:
You click the blue 1 COSTELLO:
I click the blue one what? ABBOT:
The blue 1. COSTELLO:
Is that different from the blue w? ABBOT:
The blue 1 is RealOne and the blue W is Word. COSTELLO:
What word? ABBOT:
The Word in Office for Windows. COSTELLO:
But there's three words in office for windows! ABBOT:
No, just one. but it's the most popular Word in the world COSTELLO:
It is? ABBOT:
Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty
much wiped out all the other Words out there. COSTELLO:
And that word is real one? ABBOT:
RealOne has nothing to do with Word. RealOne isn't even part of Office. COSTELLO:
Stop! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping you have anything
I can track my money with? ABBOT:
Money. COSTELLO:
That's right. What do you have? ABBOT:
Money. COSTELLO:
I need money to track my money? ABBOT:
It comes bundled with your computer. COSTELLO:
What's bundled to my computer? ABBOT:
Money COSTELLO:
Money comes with my computer? ABBOT:
Yes. No extra charge. COSTELLO:
I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much? ABBOT:
One copy COSTELLO:
Isn't it illegal to copy money? ABBOT:
Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money. COSTELLO:
They can give you a license to copy money? ABBOT:
Why not, they own it.
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